Criminal Element

The story begins on the morning of 9th March.

Early that morning, 6 o’clock to be precise I was dropping my brother off at the airport. As we approached the gate he was reading a text message on his phone which distracted him from the road. I noticed he was about to hit the police check sign but before I could warn him to swerve he hit it. Made aloud noise as it hit the ground and inevitably the policeman ahead started waving his torch- doooh! The phone was quickly hidden- if it was seen that would be it.

So he pulled over and the cop asked him funny questions like can’t you tell the size of the car, why did you knock the sign- etc so he went out to sort things out. After a little pleading he set thins right and was let go. In the meantime another cop asked who was traveling and then asked me for my license and I gladly presented it and we proceeded to the terminal where I dropped him off. Once again another cop asked for my license, all was ok, went on with my journey. End of part one.

Later on in the evening I was helping some pals drop of some stuff with the car and in the course of conversation I mentioned how a cop can always find something wrong with a car. I was later to find out that I had just jinxed myself there. As we set off I told my passengers to belt up as I was going to be driving fast on Thika road. Later on after zooming down the road I reached the police check at Clayworks and was pulled over. You guessed it! Belts not on, which was quickly pointed out by the cop. Back to the drill again- license etc. At this point I was so pissed at my pals for not belting up after I had warned them. What’s more the cop discovered that my license was unsigned. Please note this is the third time I was presenting on that day and now is when it’s discovered at around 10.30 p.m. Murphy’s law!

Okay I’ve been busted I begin my defense, “we’ve just come from a church function” “oh it’s Sunday, please forgive me.” By the way my appeals were very passionate at one point I Almost went on my knees. First he threatened a court appearance the next day- that didn’t work, then a ‘fine’ ( in fact he told me to ask my friends how much we were willing to pay) that didn’t work either kept on pleading with hands clasped and tears coming to my eyes. Eventually he told me get back into the car, I kept on pleading but once I got back inside to my great relief my license was returned and I went scot free. My pals congratulated me on an Oscar winning performance! I also called my bro who was in Congo by then, (one network can you beat that, bonga na bob with somebody that far away, thank you Celtel) He just laughed. However that is not the end of the story. End of part two.

Early the next morning I set off for Nairobi, Imagine there was traffic at 5.40 a.m. Thika road is special. After passing the snarl up at GSU roundabout which stretched back all the way to Safari park, (this is 6 a.m. mind you) I diverted to Outer Ring Road. There some funny matatu guy who was trying to overlap managed to knock the left indicator out. A couple of people pointed out to me that it was hanging so I removed it at a petrol station and left a gaping hole in it’s place. Got to Embakassi roundabout about 2 hours later- yes! The day pretty much went well, had to deliver the car back to my dad’s office in Hurlingham, did that in the evening. The journey was ok save for nasty traffic on Mombasa road, however when I got to city Mortuary roundabout one of the boys in blue stopped me-
“Oh no not again” I said to myself. The reason this time was the gaping hole on the left, license again- this time it was ‘mutilated’ Hey even one of my tyres was too smooth. Man our cops really know their work. Once again pleading- “I’m going to my dad’s office. It’s nearby” ( I was like less than a Km away!). Eventually he let me go ( yeah he asked for something small but I didn’t give in) and I delivered the car to my dad successfully.

So that is how I became one of Kenya’s most wanted. What a weekend!